↵ Tsukuyomi Translations
だれかの心臓になれたなら
If I Could Be Anyone’s Heart
Memoir, Chapter 1 Part 2: “Gospel” written by YurryCanon
I enter my room and sit at my desk, all while staring at a letter from someone which was addressed to me. It was simply a plain white envelope sealed with wax, seeming to be noble or elegant and dignified. Using scissors as a paper cutter, I gently peel the sealing wax off. Opening the flap, I slowly pull the stationery out. It’s folded in half, so I open it nervously. I accidentally let out a “huh?” and my eyes widened.
Written on the paper were a couple lines of words. Then, I realized that it was from my dad. The contents read “how are you doing?” brief and simple, just as you’d expect from a clumsy dad.
Then at the bottom, an address was written. He wanted me to go there to see a man named “Hagino.” The name didn’t ring a bell. Maybe I’ve just forgotten though. I wonder if he’s a friend of my dad’s or something. Though I was wishing deep in my heart that he would’ve at least written why I needed to see this person, I became so overjoyed about finally forming a small connection to my dad, who my mother never allowed me to see and I never knew any way to contact, to the point that a smile naturally showed on my face.
It felt just like I had gotten ahold of a treasure map, and I couldn’t keep my excitement in. One day, I went to the place that was written on the letter. While on the train, I thought back on the memories with my dad. My dad has always been a kind person. Come to think of it, he rarely ever scolded me. I think it was my mother that scolded me, and then my dad would often calm her down. He loved music and reading, and he’d spend the weekends reading books while listening to music in his own room. Sometimes I liked barging into his room and seeing him like that.
Well, the kinds of books my dad read looked too difficult to me and didn’t interest me much, so I mostly just read manga and played video games. His room was overflowing with old records and CDs. Classic, folk, and rock. He had so much music, from Japanese to foreign songs. I was too young to understand, but I remember liking it more than any of the popular music at the time. The last day I spent with my dad, he stood in the doorway with his back turned, shoulders trembling, and told me his last words. That scene is still burned deep into my retinas. Ever since then, I never saw my dad again.
I got off my second train and passed through the ticket gate of the station closest to my destination. What jumped out at my eyes was a stylish, refined cityscape. It felt somewhat unnerving to walk alone in a place like this. Relying on the map I had opened on my phone, I pass along the rows of clothing stores and variety stores before finally arriving at my destination. The place looked like an old music store. A signboard was posted outside with the store’s name, which wasn’t even written on the map, so I compared it to the address written on the letter. It was definitely this place, no mistaking it.
Guitars and basses were crammed all along the center of the store. It was completely different from the worn-out storefront, and the inside was unexpectedly beautiful. There were all sorts of instruments, from cheap ones to expensive ones, and I was surprised to find that there were even instruments the price of a used car among them. I’ve played the piano for many years, but it still felt really fresh to me since I’m not very acquainted with stores that sell instruments.
As I nervously approach the back of the store, I see a male employee in his late 20’s or so, who looks like a member of some band, performing maintenance on a guitar or something at his workbench. When I approached him to ask about a person named Hagino, I could see he was wearing a name tag on his chest with “Hagino” written on it.
“Oh…! Are you Mr. Hagino? It’s nice to meet you. I’m Yui, Mr. Sakuragi’s daughter.” Putting down the tools he had in his hand, he bows slightly.
“I’ve been waiting for you!” he said, then went into the room in the back, and returned with a large object. It was something I had seen before in my dad’s room. It was a semi-hard case with a faded black color. “Mr. Sakuragi let me have this to give it to you.”
“Oh, thank you so much!” The case was quite heavy, so my body started feeling like it was getting dragged down. I took a seat on a nearby stool and slowly slid the case’s zipper to the end. I caught a breath and lifted the top part, which was separated into an upper and lower portion. Just as I expected, inside was a white acoustic guitar.
I know this guitar well. My dad said he had it since he was young, before I was even born. Although it must have been quite old, he took care of it very well and it seemed to still be in good condition, even to the untrained eye. I can tell she’s been with my dad throughout his entire life. When I remember the times my dad would play the guitar and let me listen, I get a little sad.
“Why did my dad want to give this to me?”
“I don’t know the reason myself, but he visited for the first time in a while last month and told me ‘When my daughter comes, give this to her.’”
“Really…” In addition to the guitar was what seemed to be a notebook and another letter. The notebook had chords written in it, along with some tips for playing the guitar. It was just like a handwritten manual. From the handwriting, it looks like it was written by my dad.
”Do you play the guitar, Yu-chan?”
”No… I used to play the piano a long time ago, but I don’t have any experience with the guitar. Although, I’m really interested in it. I just don’t know if I’d be able to do it. ….I want to try it out. My dad went through all this trouble after all, so I want him to teach me, but my mother says I’m not allowed to see him.”
”I see.”
”And then I want to try writing songs. I know I’m still new to music, and I might be overreaching, but…”
”Hm? Songwriting?” Mr. Hagino took one glance at the guitar in the case and with his arms folded, pointed his eyes down at me and appeared to be thinking for a moment. Then, he looked me in the eyes and said, “How about I teach you all about music?”
”Is that really alright?!”
”Miss Sakuragi, your father went out of his way to leave his guitar with me so that I could entrust you with it. He probably has some kind of intention. Besides…” Mr. Hagino couldn’t get the words out. For a moment, he showed a somber expression on his face. “I’m sorry, it’s nothing,” he said, taking back his words. Then he continued. “Back in school when I started a band, I got to know Mr. Sakuragi through a bit of a chance encounter. At the time, he was pretty popular among the local bands, and I forced him to take me under his wing as a protégé,” he said with a gentle face. I always knew my dad played music, but I didn’t know he had such a protégé. “After a while, he got married and had children, and that’s when he quit the band.”
”Oh wow…”
”By the way, it’s actually not our first time meeting.”
”Huh? Oh… I’m so sorry!” I bow my head in a rush. When I try to dig up the memory, trying to think about this and that, I still don’t seem to remember. Mr. Hagino looks at me with a slight smile while puzzled.
”Well, you were still a baby after all, so you wouldn’t remember.”
”O-oh.” Maybe he was just pulling my leg. Even so, it’s pretty embarrassing to meet someone who knew me when I was just a little kid this way. So many emotions circled around in me, and I could feel my face start to heat up a little.
”It’s actually thanks to Mr. Sakuragi that I’m working here. …Well, anyways, I want to return the favor to him in any way I can. That’s why I’d like to teach you music.”
“Thank you so much…!
I’m looking forward to learning from you.”
“I should be the one thanking you.” I bow my head deeply. “Oh right, hold on a moment,” says Mr. Hagino. He quickly circles around the back of the store and brings back a couple items in a shopping basket. One by one, he takes them out, with an explanation of each. “This is a clip-on tuner. You’ll need it for when you tune your guitar. People with a good sense of pitch can do without it, but it’s better to have one. Here are some spare guitar strings too. Strings are expendable, so if they snap or get old, you can just get new ones. Then here’s a pick, and… Oh, and this is called a capo. You put it on the fretboard and then you can use it to change keys, and then this is…” Mr. Hagino continued going on and on with no room for interruption.
I tried to recall just how much money I had in my wallet, but I knew for sure that it wouldn’t be enough. It was too hard to tell him because of how happily he looked showing all those items to me. “I think that’s all. It’s just a beginners’ manual, but it has notes written by Mr. Sakuragi, and it’s easier to understand than the ones sold in stores. Also, while we’re at it, you should have some sheet music too.”
”Um…!”
”What is it? Ah, you should have some fretboard lubricant too-”
”No! It’s just, I- I don’t have enough money…”
”Huh? Oh… I see! I’m sorry.” Mr. Hagino smiles apologetically.
I take my wallet out from my bag at once and check how much I have on hand. “I only have… A th-thousand yen…” I couldn’t help but force a smile on my face. Well, I never expected to find myself in this situation, and this is as much money as a junior high school student can get, so I guess there’s not much I could do.
”Then I’ll give you some of mine if you’d like.”
“Are you sure it’s okay?”
”It’s fine, it’s fine. Hold on a second,” Mr. Hagino said, going into the back of the store again. In the meantime, I took a look at the items he brought out earlier. As far as the price tags went, I knew I couldn’t possibly afford it with the little money I had. Playing guitar must be tough, I thought to myself as if it were about someone else. Alright. Now, I’m going to start playing guitar and music. I’ll step back on the path of music that I once ran away from. It happened so suddenly. I think I had a vague desire for it. I definitely just wanted some kind of trigger. I was also heavily influenced by Toudou-kun.
I want to be someone special. But I still don’t know what I have to do. Although, if I did music, maybe I could be special… But why? There’s the letter from my dad, and his guitar. I couldn’t help but feel it might be fate or something. Mr. Hagino came back with a paper bag in hand and held it out to me. “For now, I think you’ll be fine with the bare necessities.” Inside the bag were almost all the items he showed me earlier.
“Is this really okay?”
“It’s alright, really. I’ve never taught anyone music before, but I’m looking forward to seeing you start from zero and grow from there,” said Mr. Hagino with a satisfied look on his face.
”Thank you so much! I’ll do my best…!” My dad must have been an amazing guitarist, seeing as he even had his own protégé, but the thought that I’m the daughter of such a person leaves me frozen in place.
“That reminds me, it might be a good idea to start out with a practice piece. Is there any particular song you want to play?”
“A song I want to play? I can’t come up with anything, but do you have any recommendations?”
“Hmm… Okay… I have a book with songs for beginners, but I don’t think a thousand yen will be enough…
”There’s also the train fare so I have an even smaller budget…” I should’ve brought more if I knew it would end up like this. I might have some money in the savings box in my room.
“How about this then?” Mr. Hagino took a file out from the guitar case next to him, flipped through the pages, pulled a couple out, and laid them on the workbench. It was a music sheet.
“What’s this?”
“It’s a song of mine, but it’s not too difficult, so I thought it would be perfect.”
Indigo at Night...
On the sheet music, notes, lyrics, and chords were written. Its title was Indigo at Night.
The lyrics were about a refreshing but bittersweet summer scenery, and about the spring of life. The moment I saw the sheet music, the melody started flowing gently through my head, and I tried humming it.
“You seem to be great at reading sheet music since you used to play piano.”
“Is it really okay?”
“Of course. You also have a good singing voice. Did you used to sing too?”
“No, I don’t sing at all. Humming at home is about the most I do.”
“Is that so… Then this is going to be fun.” Mr. Hagino’s face loosened and he smiled happily. Maybe it’s just a thoughtful way to get me inspired, but it made me fairly happy.
“I’ll do my best. Both with guitar and singing.”
“Yes. To think that I, Mr. Sakuragi’s protégé would be in a position to teach his daughter music. It feels a little strange.”
“So I’ll be the protégé of my father’s protégé. Interesting. …Ah, right. Could I call you my mentor?”
“M-mentor? It’s kind of awe-inspiring…” Mr. Hagino shows a bitter smile on his face mixed with embarrassment.
“Then, once again, I look forward to working with you, mentor.”
After I finished getting ready to leave, in front of the store, Mr. Hagino saw me off and I left the store. The guitar case has a height of around 110 centimeters, so it sticks out above me when I carry it on my back. I’ll have to be careful about how I move around. Still, the fact that I have my dad’s guitar on my back fills me with joy. I wonder if I should give it a name. What did my dad name it? As I thought about pointless things like that, I couldn’t hold in the urge to jump around with joy, and skipped lightly on the road back home.I thought about the letter from my dad, and about hiding the guitar from my mom.
Being the person she is, it’s easy to imagine how worked up she’d get if she discovered it. Usually I’d decide to hide it in my closet, but now that I think about it, I rarely ever have dinner with my mom anymore. She’s always been such a workaholic, so she was never around much, and it must have gotten worse ever since my dad disappeared. She’s a strict person, but I understood that she was thinking about me in her own way, but I didn’t want to cause trouble, so I didn’t say anything more than what was necessary. I wonder where I could practice. Even if I do it outside, there’s a likely chance I’ll run into my mom while carrying my guitar case when I come back home. I could practice at home, but it could be risky if my mom comes home unexpectedly. She gets home as early as 7 p.m. so maybe I could practice just a little after school ends. I remember when I was little, I picked up a stray cat and kept it in secret. I think one of my dad’s acquaintances took it in eventually. I feel like the cat being found was just a matter of course, but maybe it’ll work out with the guitar.
Come to think of it, I’ll probably be going to the library less and less from now on. I’ll have less opportunities to see Toudou-kun too. On second thought, I don’t even have his contact information yet. I also don’t know anything about him to begin with other than the fact that he likes to read and that he’s writing a novel. He’s always listening to music with his CD player, but I wonder what kinds of artists he likes. What does he do on the weekends? I can’t wait to tell him about what happened today. When I got home, I opened the front door. Peeking through the small gap, I checked to see if my mom had come home yet, then rushed to my room. I took the guitar out from my guitar case on the floor. I don’t know the brand or maker, and I don’t even know what it’s worth. I’ve heard from my dad that he’s had several guitars. He sold them and gave them away, and only a few remained.
I feel like I’ve seen this acoustic guitar and maybe two electric guitars in my dad’s room. Why did he entrust me with the guitar that he never let go of? I excitedly flipped through the pages where my dad had written lots of notes about the guitar. For now, I think I’ll start with simple chords.